Surrender to Fly, Part 1 – Dear Caterpillar

I originally offered this blog to readers in 2018 and there’s a reason I’m rerunning it now.  An unusual serendipity occurred:  Over the last 10 days, I received a request from four unrelated people asking me to send them a copy of my Caterpillar/Butterfly blogs.  It was so odd to suddenly be getting these random requests at the same time that I thought it signaled a nudge to republish them for you now.  I loved rereading them again and hope you do, too. And wow, it feels so timely right now!  ~ Love, MaHulili 

Dear Caterpillar,   

This is your Higher Self writing to answer your questions about what’s going on with you.  I know you’ve been asking and asking and I’ve answered you in many ways but you’re not able to clearly hear me sometimes right now.  I thought a letter might help. 

I understand what you feel, I know what you’re going through and first let me reassure you that all is well.  I know things are changing and this worries you, but all is well.

For a long time, you crawled all around, finding the right kind of nourishment.  It was fun eating and exploring to your heart’s delight.   The ground felt so good on your belly, comforting and… well… grounding.  So did the twig and leaf.  In fact, more and more you stayed up there because you got used to having a view.

Then you were seized by what seemed a strange idea to everyone, even you.  You decided to attach yourself to a branch and hang from it.  Strange.  But intriguing.  So you went with it. 

While doing that you discovered you could make yourself a nice little blanket.  You couldn’t explain why you suddenly wanted that, it almost happened accidentally.  It felt so good you got carried away with it and pulled the covers all the way over your head.

It was fun to be all tucked in like that, but what you hadn’t noticed was how much the act of making your new “snuggly” was changing your body.  And then there was the fear of discovering that you might have gotten yourself into something you didn’t know how to get out of – the blanket had hardened around you!  This made you anxious. 

Next your body developed a lot of weird sensations and problems and you started to get scared.  You realized that nothing was the same as before.  Things didn’t work like they used to.  There was no more leaf munching on dewy mornings, no more crawling around exploring.  In fact you barely had wiggle room.  And it seemed like your legs were falling off!  What was happening? 

Then the jelly thing started!  It was like you were turning to jelly inside.  “What on earth is going on?”  You started to wonder this all the time, sometimes urgently, loudly even, but it seemed like no one was out there.  You felt frightened and lonely. 

I’ve been with you all the way, but your confusion and fear made it harder for you to hear.  That’s when I decided I’d better find a way to get a message to you so I could tell you all is well.  So I wrote this letter.  I want you to know all is well.  

In fact, something wonderful is happening.  You are getting ready to fly.  I know this might seem inconceivable right now, but it’s true.  You are changing shape, transforming in an amazing and wonderful way.  You are going to love it when you fully understand, when you see.  But until then it might be hard sometimes. 

That’s because the jelly step is all about surrender.  You have to go ahead and let yourself dissolve, let all the old ways of being and doing just melt away.  Let it go, let it go, let it go.  But what on earth does that really mean?  How?  What are the exact steps of that? 

There’s no instruction for surrender that can tell you exactly how.  It’s a being thing more than a doing thing.  It’s maybe one part doing and 7 part’s being.  That’s a good clue, actually – surrendered is a being state, it’s quantum,  not 3-D.  You don’t know quantum.  It’s more of a hum than a how-to.

Part of the process is a bit of a puzzle.  It’s not something you can understand or figure out, it’s only something you can be.  That’s confusing if you’re 3-D about it.  It also can be scary.

There’s often the feeling of reaching bottom, nowhere else to go.  Your mind and habits and clutching and solving and all your usual ways of doing don’t help.  Fear comes because you don’t know what’s happening or what’s next and you’ve tried everything you can think of.  You feel shaky. 

Can you shudder, then, into surrender?  It’s important.  Surrender, you see, is necessary for flight.  You will have wings instead of feet.  You will be supported by air not ground.  Which feels like nothing at all, it’s just air.  So you have to be good at surrendering to be able to fly.  It’s necessary. 

That’s why your life has this phase of dissolving and you can’t do anything about it except surrender.  It builds the surrender skills you need for flight. 

Each time you surrender your fear and your mental frustrations or your worry that something’s wrong… even for just a moment… you’ll notice important things.  You’ll notice that while your caterpillar body is mostly gone and you feel very shaky inside, a new structure is forming, a new shape.  You’ll also notice I’m right here holding your hand.  In fact, I’m doing this with you right now. 

It might be a while before it seems real to you, and even a bit longer before you know how to get completely out of the old.  Then you’ll pause before letting go of the familiar branch, shaking your wings, testing the air, getting your bearings, understanding anew who you are. 

Know this though, it’s all programmed, it almost happens by itself.  All you have to do is keep surrendering and surrendering, letting go of so many things again and again and again.  That’s your part.  You’re pretty good at it – you’ve been doing it all along!   

Keep doing that and you can trust you’re on the right path.  You don’t have to understand everything about it, or get it right.  You can’t miss your flight.  It’s happening and you have a lot more help that you know.  Your part is the surrender part – getting ready to trust the air. 

You’re doing great, I’m so proud of you, and excited for you!  That’s why I wanted to write and let know what’s happening.  I hope you get this message so you know it’s something natural and right and wonderful that’s going on.  And that you’re doing great and that I’m here with you, we’re doing it together.  I love you and together we’ll fly! 

Your loving Higher Self, 

Butterfly