Article Highlights:

  • Do you trust others?
  • Self-inquiry
  • Self-trust = freedom

Self-TrustDear One,

We waste a lot of energy wondering who we can trust, what we can trust them with, and recovering from being betrayed. But we are each the person we most need to trust. We can trust everyone much more if we can trust ourself. Can you trust yourself?

We lack self-trust because of the countless times we sold ourselves out, abandoned ourselves, ignored our intuition, refused to take appropriate action, forfeited our power. So, lacking self-trust, we are left to the hopeless device of trying to make everyone and everything conform to our need to feel safe.

What are the things we need to be able to trust in ourselves? We must each know that we will courageously and creatively understand and take the action required for our growth and wholeness. We must feel that we can be trusted to more truthfully see our underlying agendas. We need to know we can count on ourselves to intuit whether or not a situation is healthy for us. Having perhaps chosen poorly, can we trust ourselves to change a situation? Can we trust ourselves to give up limiting patterns or addictions? To delve for the truth about our participation in recurrent negative scenarios? To live by values that bring growth and joy? And perhaps most of can we trust ourselves to do these things without judging ourself harshly?

During a time of personal retreat some years ago, I realized that if I could trust myself, then trusting others would be easy; I would be free to see who people really are, instead of what I needed them to be. At the time, there was one person I was very mistrustful of. He had betrayed me in a shocking way. But when I examined the matter with a quiet, balanced honesty, I saw that I had been given many signals about how he was. I just didn’t want to believe them, I wanted him to be something else. In truth, I could trust him to continue being how he was. But I could not trust myself to see the truth of a situation and take the right action for myself.

I stopped fearing and obsessing about what he had done to me and began to seek what I needed to know and do to change my situation. This is the crux of the matter. People will be who they are. We can count on it. They, like we, will always be acting out their agendas, fears, limitation, needs, hopes and dreams. If we trust our own judgment, choices and healing ability, our self-honesty and self love, we become free of the need to make others “behave” so we can feel safe.

I’d gone on the retreat I mentioned to find a way to heal from betrayal and mistrust. In the silence I came to know something even more valuable about trust. I was asking the question “How can I lose my fear and regain trust?” when I heard this in reply from my soul:

“Build self-trust, my darling one, learn to know yourself and to accept yourself. Strive for more self-honesty about what you want and why, be not afraid to know your own truth. Loving self-inquiry is the way. Thus you build self-knowledge and self-trust. Grow in trust of yourself, dear one, it is a path to resilience, freedom and inner peace.”

Since then, I have seen that it is indeed far better to known who I am and what I’m up to than to try to figure things out about someone else. In fact often, being honest about what I’m up to, has given me needed insight into someone and our joint situation. It has saved my bum again and again, lol. And even when it didn’t save me from difficulty, I knew I could trust me to see what I needed to see and to find my way to greater wisdom and self-understanding, and even to self-healing if necessary.

Self-trust is a cornerstone of resilience. Without it our foundation lacks the strength to sustain a fully lived life. With it, we are always on a path to greater freedom and peace of mind.

I know you too understand the principle of self-inquiry and apply it in your life. It’s great to share that wonderful path with you.

Much love today,

~XOMa HuLiLi

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