Article Highlights:
How I treat best friends- Who’s my BFF?
We can’t talk about friends without thinking about BFF’s. Who’s your best friend forever? I have a small circle of friends who fit this acronym. They are generally the long-term keepers. No doubt things are similar for you.
There’s one person though that you may not have on the list – YOU. Or maybe you are on your list, but you get on the “outs” with yourself from time to time. And just like when things are bumpy with your friends, this hurts.
When we are critical and unkind to ourselves, it hurts, even if we don’t notice. Just like when you’re criticizing someone else and you don’t notice at the time how bad it makes you feel. I give my friends a lot of latitude. They’re not perfect and sometimes stuff happens and they act even a little less perfect. It’s ok, I handle it. They give me that latitude too. As long as there’s good communication over-all, the friendship doesn’t waver.
I trust my friends a lot too. If I think – or hear from someone else – that they’ve done something offensive to me, I talk to them about it first. I give them the benefit of the doubt because I know who they are. And I talk things over with them if I hurt them. And if I’m angry, they are the first to know, not the last.
These are the ways I treat my BFF’s, those people in my inner most circle. It’s also how I want to be treated of course. And this includes by me! I don’t overly make myself worry or get in my face unkindly. I know I care, I know I’ll correct. Trust, compassion, lee-way for struggles or mistakes, honest and caring communication and constancy are my hallmarks for friendship, self-friendship included.
I don’t do this perfectly, of course, but when my inner grownup starts wagging her finger at me critically, I notice I’m doing it and I say I’m sorry. For instance, I was worrying about something recently and being self-critical.
When I noticed I was running an old “should-a” story, I said out loud, “Oh honey, I’m sorry, I’m worrying and nagging at you and I know that makes you anxious and it doesn’t feel good to our body either. Plus what I was saying was all projection and not even true! I’m so sorry, let me correct that.” It feels great when I apologize to me – I get that warm feeling of a hug.
I’m precious, my life is precious. My intentions and my heart are in the right place. Ive grown and done well in life. And I’ve been brave enough to make a good number of mistakes. I know the same applies to you. We can give ourselves a break.
In fact, we can do more than give ourselves a break when things are down. We can give ourselves some credit. Ive done a lot more things right in my life than not. And so have you. I’ve healed from so much, gotten myself through some intensely rough patches, persevered, showed up, matured. Good for me! There’s a lot to admire and just like I enjoy telling my BFF’s how well they’re doing or have done or how I admire them, I do the same for me.
I do this in my head mostly. Once in a while I toot my own horn to a friend, but mostly in my head or out loud to just me. It feels good just one-on-one with me.
I wrote an article in November of 2021 giving a personal parable, an experience I had of meeting myself on the road and not recognizing me. It led to a profound aha and a beautiful experience of self-love. Here’s the link for that article here on my website if you’d like to look at it – it always moves me deeply.
Reading it now, I am again flooded with such feelings of appreciation and admiration, such love and forgiveness for me. When we feel loved by someone, it feels so good, doesn’t it? It’s the same when it’s me loving me! It feels fabulous on all levels – physically, emotionally, mentally and certainly spiritually too. It’s absolutely yummy.
In fact, it’s even more profound when we have those feelings for ourselves. It’s more impactful, it ripples through our whole life. So let’s keep ourselves at the top of our BFF list.
They say love starts at home. And, in truth, the only one really home is me, in a very important sense, right? Everyone else is home to themselves – only I am home to me. And the only one home for you is you.
Loving ourselves can be as much fun as having a truly wonderful, there-for-us, best friend. Forever. BFF. Let’s build that relationship with ourselves with the same interest and excitement as making any new and very special friend.
Me, myself and I: Best Friends Forever.
~X💜Mayet
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