Y’all,

Recently a friend on the east coast said to me, You’re starting to talk Southern, you’re getting an accent! I guess I’ve been in Oklahoma long enough for my ear to begin picking up the more relaxed southern syntax here. The Oklahoma accent is less drawling than the Texas one and not as extended perhaps as in Arkansas, Mississippi, Alabama and Georgia. But it’s there.

Each of the southern states has it’s own inflection. I don’t mind a bit of Oklahoma southern style creeping into my speech. There’s a softness in it that’s not a bad thing.

There’s even one Southern-ism that I’m very glad to have an authentic opportunity to adopt. It’s the word ya’ll. I know it’s sometimes made fun of, but I’ve always thought it a very handy word and since I’ve been here I’ve come to appreciate it even more.

It’s very inclusive. I like inclusive words and Y’all is one of the best. It solves some gender pronoun dilemmas as well. For instance, in the northern and western states when addressing a group of mixed gender we often resort to saying you guys somewhat awkwardly. Y’all takes care of that. It’s a simplifier. Saying you all when you want to include every one in a group is just clunky. It’s not half as friendly and inclusive as using y’all.

I’ve learned something else about it too. It carries respect. Yes, respect. It’s an acknowledgement of those included. A tip of the hat. And there’s one more thing I’ve learned about using y’all: you can use it even when addressing only one person – it’s not necessarily plural. For instance, you might say Y’aaaaaall – in an even softer, more drawn out way – when a person has done you a kindness. In this context it not only carries appreciation but expresses a feeling of humility in the face of that kindness.

As if that’s not good enough, someone explained to me that ya’ll also implies something more: you and your ancestors. Isn’t that wonderful? A form of speech that includes one’s ancestors by implication. Honoring the whole clan. Beautiful. I think that is a terrific adaptation of language.

I’m glad to be here, learning my Y’alls. And even if I were to unexpectedly leave here, I’d be keeping the word y’all. I think I’m a better person for it.

I love language that’s inclusive and I love y’all.

🤠 Mayet

Article Highlights:

• problem solving made easy
• the ultimate problem solver
• how I used it for dental work

Dear Problem Solver,

We all face many problems and dilemmas in our lives. In fact, problem solving is one of the things we must do most often. Our lives are full of questions about whether to do this or that, how to respond regarding difficulties with others, why we got sick or felt like we did about something, etc.

So we are often wondering why something happened to us and what we did to create it. It’s been part of learning to take responsibility for our lives so we could believe we could have better ones. Which is important to anyone’s spiritual journey.

But I think we might have overdone that a little, made it into something it wasn’t meant to be. Could it be we’re a little compulsive now about blaming ourselves for everything? Not everything needs a blame-ee. Or a reason why. How or why we caused something is not always the most important thing to understand about a situation. It doesn’t always lead to the best solution.

That’s why I decided do some writing about self-inquiry. Last week I wrote about using self-inquiry as therapy, the psychological application. I also pointed out that it’s not the same as spiritual inquiry, and I discussed the difference.

This week I want to mention one incredible thing about spiritual self-inquiry. It’s the ultimate problem solver! It really is. It’s a shortcut like no other. And because of that, I want to give a little example of how it works and then I’ll tell you how I used it for my dental work.

Your partner is behaving badly or you’ve just learned you have a serious health problem, or you’re losing your job. You wonder why that’s happening to you. This is where people like ourselves usually begin inquiring.

We start here because we’ve become so programmed to feel it’s our fault. We think we have to know what we did wrong in order to fix it. So we start with questions about what we did wrong or how we made it happen.

We fixate there as if it’s the Holy Grail that will solve the problem. Occasionally it does. But have you noticed how it so often doesn’t? It’s often not enough. That’s where Spiritual Inquiry comes in and saves the day.

Whatever you start with… the boring old What did we do wrong, Why is this happening to me?… whatever it is, don’t stop there. Maybe you get the answer that it happened because of a pattern you have or a childhood wound. Ok. Make a note of of that, but don’t stop there.

Ask what else you need to know, find a deeper root in this matter. And maybe here you get another psychological answer that’s perhaps useful, or not – lets say you reflect that you have a pattern of worry. Ok good. You probably know that already but make note of it and don’t stop there. Go further, asking for what else is there.

At this point you’ll probably start sorting for things such as how to stop worrying – knowing that you haven’t managed this in all your life. You’ll probably stay focused on the psychology of why and how. And you’ll worry about worrying too much.

To depart a bit from that, ask something a little different. Ask, What would it be like if I didn’t worry so much… let yourself feel that, really feel it. There will be relief, right? So much relief.

That’s very good, that feeling. That’s more along the line of spiritual inquiry. You get a feeling, an actually energy, that helps reprogram your system which is currently accustomed to the worried feeling. Great. But don’t stop their either.

Remember you are in a process of spiritual inquiry. So go deeper. And this can all happen fairly quickly, by the way. At first you may need to take 5-10 minutes for the process, but it will soon become instinctual. Just like asking yourself how you brought it all on yourself was harder at first but became nearly automatic.

So you’ve felt what it would be like not to worry so much. Go deeper. You’ve gone from psychology and words to a more feeling state, right? From here, words become less frequent if you let them go. So instead of asking another question like how to stop worrying, just remind yourself to go deeper. And let the words go.

Let them go, this is where surrender comes in. Surrender words and questions and answers. And let that moment of surrender extend – don’t fill it in with words and thoughts. Stay in the surrender and let it deepen. Don’t fill it in. That is where you find the Silence, the Stillness, the Spaciousness. The Peace. (more…)

Dear Self-Improver,

What’s the difference between psychotherapy and spiritual inquiry? One helps heal the mind, emotions, the traumatized ego. The purpose of psychotherapy is to help you, to save or rescue you… from yourself probably… to fix you. It has to do w changing your relationship with your past and your future to improve your present. And it’s fixed in time, isn’t it?

Spiritual self-inquiry has nothing to do with fixing you or rescuing you from anything… not your problems, not your past. In fact part of what must be surrendered is the desire to be saved from yourself and your problems or the urge to fix yourself. Surrender the hope of this. You give up hope that you’ll be saved and in that moment – just before you spiral into hopelessness about that – you discover spaciousness. This is an important thought and I’ll return to it in a moment.

Many people are seeking spiritual growth to fix themselves, to improve upon themselves because they think they need improving. And they think others do to. Most people seek self-realization or enlightenment for the sake of that ultimate validation that one is finally fixed, saved, that one has arrived. They imagine a great relief there from the world’s problems.

Being honest, you will find this idea in you, and I in me. The belief that we are not enough as we are is so deeply engrained that few escape it. It’s a way the ego personalizes the concepts of enlightenment and self-realization. Then it becomes a story of achievement and failure. It becomes a path with steps and rules and measures.

None of this has anything to do with spiritual inquiry.

Spiritual inquiry leads, always and inevitably to what most fully and completely is there. It leads to what is there without exception – through thick and thin. Whether you at your best, or you at your worst, it is still there. The spaciousness. That spaciousness is who you really are.

More best moments of you lie ahead. More worst moments do too. You’ll feel great, bad, lost, confused, elated, blah, angry, peaceful, sad, hurt, betrayed, joyful… all again. These are part of this world we currently live… the world as it is right now. Right here where you are.

This is the essence of phenomena, of matter and the physical world: cycles. Up, down. Around and then around again. Sun, rain, drought, plague, good harvest – it all comes and goes in cycles and seasons. We get so focused on this that we begin to think we are here to make it all stop being that way, to fix it.

Self-inquiry and spirituality are not about getting repaired – though this can be a beneficial side effect. But it is not about this. That can be hard to believe, but it is so. The saving of things and the compulsive fixing of yourself and things and others – and all the time and energy that goes into this – that’s a big part of what must be surrendered.

Now. Self-inquiry may well start as fixing what is wrong in any given moment, true. In self inquiry, you will probably naturally first move thru your psychology… why did I feel that, why am i sick, why am I reacting this way? This is probably where you begin. And it’s a good beginning, it’s useful.

You will even have very worthwhile AHAs as you do this, ones that are a real gift to you. On a spiritual path it’s important to become more intimate with yourself. But do not stop there.

Spiritual inquiry goes deeper. What does that mean? Inquire deeper than this aha, move through those layers each time, past why and the psychology of it. This is the opportunity. Keep going.

Carry on past the why, the aha, move thru the stories, proceed beyond your beliefs and the things you identify with. Don’t get caught up in the thought processes that comes up about them. Make note of them if they serve but don’t linger long there.

Keep going because soon you will break thru all the layers. Not because you have fixed them all, more likely because you realize they are endless, lol. There are more layers and more layers and always forever more layers of the mind in the physical world. Endless layers of psychology, of whys and what’s and aha’s. Recognizing that, you surrender. You finally give them up, you stop that. You surrender.

The Moment of Surrender

You give up hope of being fixed, of reaching perfection. You give up that hope. And in that moment before discouragement overwhelms, before you spiral into hopelessness or despair, into self-judgment – just before that there is a moment where you are free – there if you pause, if you pay attention, there you will find spaciousness.

If instead you feel discouraged about ever being fixed, it means you switched from self-inquiry, spiritual inquiry, to the psychology of inquiry. If you remember you’re in a process of Spiritual Inquiry, you will surrender and pause. And in the moment of that pause – while you are still free from self-doubt or incrimination – the pause will reveal the spaciousness of life, of all that is, the spaciousness of you.

You break through and you see that the spaciousness is you and you meet yourself there. This is the purpose and the opportunity of inquiry. So take care not to institutionalize your spiritual inquiry by relating to it as psychotherapy. (more…)